


Snowflakes in an Ocean

by Missy_dee811



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Divorce, Flashbacks, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Poetry, M/M, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 13:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/pseuds/Missy_dee811
Summary: Steve serves Tony their divorce.





	Snowflakes in an Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTvgnYGu9bg) and influenced by this [poem](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/fire-and-ice).

“What’s this,” asked Tony, looking up.

He hadn’t heard Steve come in, but that wasn’t unusual. Often, he’d get caught up in his work, and the hours would breeze by. More than often than not, he’d miss or forget lunch and dinner plans. He always tried to make it up to Rhodey, Pepper, and Steve.

Rhodey would stop by the lab and pull him from his reverie. Annoyed but nonetheless, happy to see Tony. _“The tab’s on you,” he would say._

Pepper would call and call until she got through. _“Please say you’ll be on time, I have a meeting right after.”_

Steve used to come down and bring him takeout.

_“I was –”_

_“Working, I know,” he would say, sitting next to Tony on the bench. “I brought you this. Hoping we could eat together.”_

_“Always,” he would reply._

_Steve would smile wistfully, but that was never the end of it._

Resentment isn’t built overnight. It’s built in ever smaller increments. Drops from a leaky faucet filling the contents of the sink, until the water overflowed.

Tony had been trying to work on this. He had been trying to be present, not to be tardy. He’d been working on remembering the important things.

_“We had set this up months ago.”_

_“I had reminded you last week.”_

_“Please, don’t tell me you forgot.”_

He had heard Pepper say these things. He never intended for it to turn sour. He remembered the early days, when Steve would just brush off the hurt as if it were dust. Perhaps, it had only been dust.

He turned off the torch in his hands and put it down. He then took off the goggles he was wearing and set them aside. His movements were controlled. Steve had been standing eerily still. In lieu of a response, he dropped a file on Tony’s desk. The sound of the papers hitting the countertop more than made up for his stony silence.

There was something about his expression Tony wished he could decipher. There was anger there, that he knew all too well. It was masking a sadness they would never discuss.

Just one more droplet falling from a leaky faucet.

“Why do I even ask,” mumbled Tony, before picking up the hefty file Steve had laid out in front of him.

Steve crossed his arms, his expression unreadable, and continued standing as stoic as ever. _If only you talked to me_ , thought Tony, bitterly.

Tony wondered, briefly, when was the last time he had seen him smile. 

He read the first sentence and the chill that permeated his body induced a panic. He finally understood, as viscerally as humanly possible, how Steve felt all those years he was trapped in the ice.

It was instantaneous. The cooling fire burned his vocal cords, and he found himself unable to speak. He knew this was coming, had seen it from a mile away, had heard it in Steve’s silence.

Some say the world will end in fire and maybe, he once thought that, but not now. Not ever again.

He longed for solace, the kind only solitude would provide.

He thought of Steve, and all those years he spent engulfed in ice. It was petty at best and cruel at worst. This he knew, but it was better than hearing the words out of Steve’s mouth, better than hearing the tone with which he spoke.

It was better than knowing this wasn’t a dream.

He read the letter and flipped through the packet. And now, he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it had all been for naught. All the sacrifices they had made, all the sacrifices _he_ had made, they hadn’t mattered. They hadn’t mattered at all.

He hadn’t done enough. And at the end of it all, he still had a litany of flaws.

_Hadn’t he prevented the end of the world more than once? Hadn’t they saved earth from cosmic threats? Why did this feel like the end? Why did this feel like the culmination of every derisive comment he had ever heard, every jaunt and leer?_

 

He hadn’t managed to say a thing, let alone, turn to his husband and plead with him.

Funny, how his world crashed when neither of them had managed to recite a single word. The sun, which had once shone so bright, would implode in a sea of light. Its energy dissipating across the vast and empty universe, leaving only devastation in its wake.

And he, he was devastated.

He hadn’t heard him come in and surely, wouldn’t hear him walk away.

 _Would that be the last time?_ Would they all be the last time – that last hug, that last kiss, that last fuck…leaving him tired, open, and pleased?

“Please.”

He couldn’t stop himself, didn’t want to, but _God, how could a broken heart break_?

Every second that passed the ice became more welcoming; the cold abyss of space, inviting.

He knew this moment would haunt him. The words, having found their way to him, settled in the back of his mind, an anchor dragging him down below the waves. _This was real. There was no going back from this._

Flipping through the document would do no good. He’d have his lawyers review it. He couldn’t… He couldn’t handle it.

Other things, yes, but not this.

And still, Steve stood, as guarded as he had ever been. He spoke too calmly, so softly. “Tony, I want a divorce.”

 

 

You never forget the sensation of drowning. You never forget the panic that overwhelms you when all your senses are on high alert, when your body is trying to take control, but you can’t breathe, you can’t will yourself to breathe, the water’s rushing in, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

He was trying so hard to control himself.

He was trying so hard to contain… _Everything_.

A supernova is a dying star’s final hurrah. Its last cry. He had cried so many times – loss and death and betrayal had left him hollow. He had found the light, he had opened his eyes, and felt the warmth of the sun.

_They had lied on the beach until Steve’s skin had burnt, and he had turned red._

_“Doesn’t it hurt, beloved,” he had asked._

_“It does, but it’ll fade, and in the meantime, you’ll take care of it. I know you will,” he turned and smiled._

_“You just want my hands all over you.”_

_Steve nodded._

_“You don’t have to flay yourself for that. I will touch you whenever you want, however you want, for as long as you want.”_

_“Is that a promise,” had asked Steve._

_Yes, yes it was._

If he closed his eyes, he could taste the water in the back of his throat, and it was the only thing keeping him from screaming.

 

Was he a dying star or had he died?

Images flooded his mind. The darkness consumed him. Then, suddenly, bright flashes of light. A universe far from his own; a separate reality. The all-consuming abyss and the speckled sky above him were too much to bear.

He fell back.

Kept falling, slowly at first and then faster. The wormhole closed above him, but he kept plummeting to the ground.

He closed his eyes and welcomed death.

 

Was he having a heart attack?

He kept tugging and pulling on cables, fearing he’d never reach the end. The first to go was the tube down his nose.

How could a broken heart break yet again?

How many times would he live through the same thing?

Once again, he thought back to all those times he almost drowned.

_From what I’ve tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great and would suffice._

Suffice it to say that drowning hurt less. If he died that would be the end. His mind was so very quick to supply, it should’ve been the end.

But he knew better. Consciously, he knew best. Wasn’t that why there was a stack of papers staring back at him, because he knew best?

Neutron stars are thought to form by the gravitational collapse of the remnant of a massive star after a supernova explosion, provided that the star is insufficiently massive to produce a black hole.

A neutron star was evidence of a collapse. This star had died in an explosion, and all that remained was this mass of neutrons. It wouldn’t consume all the light and matter around it. It would remain as it was: a remnant of its former self, a dying ember that just wouldn’t go out.

“Please, Steve.”

“No, Tony. There’s nothing to talk about.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find this in its original form on [Tumblr](http://viudanegraaa.tumblr.com/post/173251306491/viudanegraaa-lavengadoraaa-whats-this).


End file.
